Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
Immediate close up of the Troll’s face as the camera for his vlog is turned on and he sits back in his comfortable yet outdated desk chair that has seen better days. Behind him is a red, white and blue banner adorned with the words, "TRUMP - 2024". He is wearing his MAGA red cap on top of his scalp. He leans back, the picture perfect example of cocky confidence with his hands clasped on his belly and fingers interlaced together.
The Troll: January 6! You get where I'm coming from, Peeps? That's how long it's been since you're boy...
He does the RVD thumbs gesture...
The Troll: The Troll ... has graced your screens and stepped inside of the six-sided ring for the entertainment of the world! Not that I needed SCW, but it's sad to see Ward and Underwood stop acknowledging the fact that SCW needs me. You would think there was some shame in admitting the fact that you need help, and it's painfully clear that SCW needs mine. I mean, have you seen the men's division... Oh, sorry.
He makes sarcastic hand gestures with an annoyed expression on his face.
The Troll: 'Superstars division'! It's about as pitiful as the mixed tag team division! The tag team titles had promise and there were a bunch of teams ready to push that division to the stratosphere but then the Wolves of Isengard won the straps and that about killed the division due to lack of interest. Now *I* had considered stepping up and dethroning those two yahoos of the titles and bring some actual meaning back to the division but I really don't feel like shouldering an entire tag team all on my own. Which brings me to my dilemma about my match in Sweden or Denmark or wherever I'm supposed to be going to bring some culture and class to this train wreck of a tour.
He sighs and massages the bridge of his nose.
The Troll: Here I am, getting a contract in the mail to go overseas and I'm stuck in a six man tag team match! Teaming me with two losers like Justin Smith and the Bulldog is bad enough! I mean, I can handle it if I have to. I just shouldn't have to! As captain of the team, I'll just have to take charge and dictate who does what. But putting us against THOSE THREE...? I mean, are you kidding me!?
I mean, take Kevin Carter for example. The Entity? Seriously? You had to hide under a mask to create interest around yourself? I suppose I can understand that because there sure wasn't any interest behind your name to begin with. Did anyone really even notice when he left the first time? And now here he is again, latching himself onto the reputations of two guys who are MARGINALLY better inside of the ring but even that is setting the bar pretty low.
After all, we are talking about a team involving Alexander Raven. The guy is mediocre at best. Normally a guy that gets started in this business evolves and betters himself. Not Raven. if anything, that guy has devolved. He's as bad today if not worse than when he first signed on to SCW. I mean, with all the hype he surrounds himself with, you'd have thought he'd be World Champion by now but what has he done lately? Roulette Champion?
He shakes his head and makes that pitying clucking sound with his tongue.
The Troll: And then I suppose we save the best for last, if there is such a thing with this team. J2H. The guy who just can't let go of the past. Yeah, he holds the record for the longest title reign in the history of SCW. But I got news for you, James! That was EIGHT YEARS ago! Yet every time the man shows his face, he has to remind the world what he did EIGHT BYEARS ago -- just to stay relevant! J2H has to surround himself with other - and not necessarily better - talent, just to stay relevant in this business. I mean, this is the first time since those jokers formed their version of the Three Stooges that he's deigned to step inside of the ring. Until now, he's been just fine standing there on the sidelines and watching Kevin and Raven do all the work while he soaks up the adulation. You know why?
The Troll beckons us closer with a wag of his finger. He leans in.
The Troll: It's because J2H is scared. Scared his skills have all atrophied. Scared he's past it. J2H is just. Plain. Scared!
**BOOM!** **BOOM!**
Mom: GABRIEL!!!
The Troll sighs and closes his eyes for a moment...
The Troll: Yeah, Ma!?
Mom: Have you found out yet when our plane leaves for Sweden!?
The Troll: Tomorrow morning, Ma! Remember? You got Business Class!
Mom: I know, and it was so sweet of my baby boy to indulge his mother like that! Now I'm going to make dinner! How does meatloaf sound?
The Troll visually cringes.
The Troll: Sounds... great, Ma!
Mom: Okey dokey! Be ready in a couple hours!
The Troll looks down and directly into the camera.
The Troll: Okay I want to know who out there invited my Mom on this trip AND upgraded her to Business Class!?
